The XS Malarkey Questionnaire - Getting straight to the heart of the comics in a way the Look-In Fact File only dreamed about...

Angela Poynton Angela Poynton

1. Describe yourself in five words.
Challenges Conventional Beauty. Occasionally funny.

2. What has been your proudest moment?
In stand-up - my first gig - I never thought I'd do it. Outside of stand-up - being asked to be my second-cousin's Godmother.

3. What is your most annoying habit?
Used to bite my nails, but now I am quite obessive over keeping them nice and long and manicured.

4. What are you like when you are drunk?
Either really silly or depressed, depends on what I've been drinking.

5. What was the last illegal thing you did?
Looked at the details for a celebrity customer just because I could. I now know where they live and their phone number. Not sure if that's actually illegal since I've not done anything with it... but I could!

6. Do you tip in restaurants, and if so, how much?
I try to tip around 12-15% if the service has been good. If it's been shite, I either don't or I tip less than 10%; they have to learn.

7. Who (living or dead) would be your five ideal dinner guests?
Orson Welles - I'm a huge film fan and have a BA in Film Studies and spent a lot of time studying his films, i think the guy was a genius who was wasted in his later years.

Eddie Izzard - My favourite stand-up and one of my favourite celebrities ever, completely unafraid to be who he is and comes accross a totally genuine human being. Love him!

Robert De Nero - My favourite actor! Incredbily intelligent man with a big passion for film and a fantastic sense of humour, he's almost single-handly saved the New York film industry which has produced some of the best films ever made in the US.

Mark Thomas - Another favourite stand-up of mine who has a totally different style to Eddie but who like Eddie is unafraid of showing who he is and what he believes in. Very intelligent, nice and charming man too.

Neil Smith - My fella, intelligent, funny, slightly sick, ideal dinner guest; plus, I'd need him there to hold me down cos I'd be freaking out if I had the others there for real, and, most importantly considering the other guests... he can cook (I can't)!

8. Who was your favourite Dr Who?
Never really watched it, not sure why, I've always been a sci-fi fan.

9. What are your all time favourite TV shows and why?
Hardest question ever. I grew up living in a house with a father who loved sit-coms such as M*A*S*H, Cheers, The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin, Rising Damp, Steptoe and Son, Allo Allo and so on. So I inadvertantly came to love all of the above. M*A*S*H just pips it I think because it's the most successfully hilarious yet incredibly intelligent and moving show I've ever seen.

10. What's the most stupid heckle you've had and how did you respond?
"Oh fuck, it's a bird." - I pretended I didn't hear it and went on to die on my arse for the first time. Five minutes of complete and total silence!

11. What do you wear in bed?
Pyjamas mostly.

12. When you were a child what did you want to be?
Hairdresser, then actress, then singer, then journalist, then novelist, then film director. It all came to nought, although I still dabble in the writing.

13. What's the biggest lie you've ever told?
I lied about a whole relationship that never happened so I wouldn't look like a sad cow who'd never had a boyfriend.

14. If you knew the world would end in ten minutes what would you do?
Cry; I'm pathetically emotional in times of stress.

15. If you could travel in time for only one day, when and where would you go?
I'd go back and watch the first ever 'talkie' - not The Jazz Singer, popular myth, complete bollocks!

16. What do you have for breakfast?
I don't have breakfast at home, but on work days I get a veggie sausage (they taste nicer than normal sausages), toasted sandwich and two hash browns with a large black coffee on my way up to my desk.

17. What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?
42 - what I was to know is what is the bloody question? Incidently, 42 is the number my parents live at and is a number that crops up persistantly in my life. I don't know if it means anything, I just thought I'd mention it.

18. What's the best sweet ever invented?
I once had a Bailey's Profiterole and thought I'd gone to heaven.

19. Who would you ban from being seen or heard by anyone else again ever?
Jim Davidson - I just hate him with a venom I didn't know I was capable of.

20. Astonish us with a fact.
I should never have been born. My mother was told 17 years before I was born that she would never be able to have more babies.