The XS Malarkey Questionnaire - Getting straight to the heart of the comics in a way the Look-In Fact File only dreamed about...

Dominic Woodward Dominic Woodward

Description: Likeable and animated local boy.

1. Describe yourself in five words.
Socialist, Fascist, Sexist, Feminist, etc.

2. What has been your proudest moment?
It's not happened yet but it is going to be: becoming an uncle in August 2002.

3. What is your most annoying habit?
Door infatuation... it's gotta be shut!!!

4. What are you like when you are drunk?
Happy, sleepy.

5. What was the last illegal thing you did?
Er... I'm a good boy really. But the other day I saw a woman eating chocolate on a bus which is actually illegal in England - no joke!

6. Do you tip in restaurants, and if so, how much?
Yeah, about a quid.

7. Who (living or dead) would be your five ideal dinner guests and why?
Tom Baker - Mad converation.
Britney - Something to look at.
Rolf Harris - So he can play his digeridoo.
Tony Blair - Someone to throw rolls at.
Jesus - Could you imagine how much his autograph would be worth?

8. Who was your favourite Dr Who?
Tom Baker - He was the best, no argument.

9. What are your all time favourite TV shows and why?
Dr Who - Wanted to be Dr Who.

10. What’s the most stupid heckle you’ve had and how did you respond?
In Reading: Has anyone else got a clue what this guy is talking about?
I mumbled.

11. What do you wear in bed?

12. When you were a child what did you want to be?
Dr Who.

13. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?
Me, lie?!

14. If you knew the world would end in ten minutes what would you do?
Find the emergency exit!

15. If you could travel in time for only one day, when and where would you go?
Back one day - would it be wrong to get a blow job off yourself?

16. What do you have for breakfast?

17. What’s the answer to life, the universe and everything?

18. What’s the best sweet ever invented?
Coconut Boost.

19. Who would you ban from being seen or heard by anyone else again ever?
Anne Widdicombe.

20. Astonish us with a fact.
McDonald's fries cook at 182°C.