The XS Malarkey Questionnaire - Getting straight to the heart of the comics in a way the Look-In Fact File only dreamed about...

Jonathan Paylor Jonathan Paylor

Description: Laid back observer of life's absurdities.

1. Describe yourself in five words.
A nice guy with attitude

2. What has been your proudest moment?
Being accepted for uni in London.

3. Whatís your most annoying habit?
Arguing with stupid people - whatís the point.

4. What are you like when you are drunk?
Talkative and opinionated

5. What was the last illegal thing you did?
Iím not a grass so I canít say.

6. Do you tip in restaurants and if so how much?
Yes, as little as possible.

7. Who (living or dead) would be your five ideal dinner guests and why?
Madonna (for multiple reasons), Eric Morecambe, Jeremy Paxman, Arthur Miller and Joe Orton.

8. Who was your favourite doctor who and who would you cast for the next one?
Tom Baker, Eddie Izzard.

9. What are your all time favourite TV shows and why?
Coronation Street and The Good Life. (Iíve always wanted to live with Tom and Barbara and I never trust anyone who doesnít like football or Coronation Street.)

10. Whatís the most stupid heckle youíve had and how did you deal with it?
"Liverpool!" - It was my cousin who shouted it out so I pointed out where he was sitting as it was in Manchester.

11. What do you wear in bed?
Football shorts or boxers.

12. When you were a child, what did you want to be?
A newsreader.

13. Whatís the biggest lie youíve ever told?
I never lie. (Probably that one.)

14. If you knew the world would end in ten minutes what would you do?
Go to bed and sleep (probably wouldnít as something niggling might keep me awake).

15. If you could travel in time for only one day, when and where would you go?
Wembley Stadium, 1966 world Cup final.

16. What do you have for breakfast?

17. Whatís the answer to life the universe and everything?
Thereís no answer because thereís no question.

18. Whatís the best sweet ever invented?

19. Who would you ban from being seen or heard by anyone else again ever?
Margaret Thatcher, Baroness Young and other evil bigots.

20. Astonish us with a fact.
The English built Edinburgh Castle to keep out the Scots (it didnít work).