The XS Malarkey Questionnaire - Getting straight to the heart of the comics in a way the Look-In Fact File only dreamed about...

Martin Plant Martin Plant

Description: Cheeky young chappie.

1. Describe yourself in five words.
Drunk, mad, cool, loved, sober.

2. What has been your proudest moment?
Doing the gig at XS Malarkey, the audience and staff are amazing, I love you all. [The cheque's in the post. - Spider]

3. What is your most annoying habit?

4. What are you like when you are drunk?
You are reading this aren't you?

5. What was the last illegal thing you did?
It involved the Mexican border, four panthers and a tub of glue.

6. Do you tip in restaurants, and if so, how much?
Yes, "Cook my steak more," is a favourite.

7. Who (living or dead) would be your five ideal dinner guests and why?

Eddie Izzard - So I could relax and let him work!
Toby Hadoke - For repaying him for giving me a gig.
Salvador Dali - Is he as fucked up as his paintings?
Flat Eric - Purely for the irony.
A busty brunette - for... conversation.

8. Who was your favourite Dr Who and who would you cast as the next one?
I never watched it but Yoda would be great.

9. What are your all time favourite TV shows and why?
Big Train - Hilarious.
David Attenborough stuff - Helps sleep along.
Johnny Bravo - That cartoon dude rocks.
Ali G - The hat!

10. What's the most stupid heckle you've had and how did you respond?
Heckle: "Shouldn't you be in school?"
Response: "No."

11. What do you wear in bed?
A duvet.

12. When you were a child what did you want to be?

13. What's the biggest lie you've ever told?
I don't think the three women behind me at the bar are stunning!

14. If you knew the world would end in 10 minutes what would you do?
Die 10 minutes later, presumably.

15. If you could travel in time for only one day, when and where would you go?
I'd go back and shake Spike Milligan's hand. Would have loved to have met him, he was a genius.

16. What do you have for breakfast?

17. What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?

18. What's the best sweet ever invented?
Sugar, try it on boiled sweets!

19. Who would you ban from being seen or heard by anyone else again ever?
The Cheeky fucking Girls!

20. Astonish us with a fact.
My nipples have gone cold.