The XS Malarkey Questionnaire - Getting straight to the heart of the comics in a way the Look-In Fact File only dreamed about...

Roland Gent Roland Gent

Description: Surly Captain Pugwash.

1. Describe yourself in five words.
Sonfidently worried, loudly quiet, sober.

2. What has been your proudest moment?
My daughter being born, wasn't much effort for me but it kind of makes your life add up.

3. What is your most annoying habit?
Scratching my head.

4. What are you like when you are drunk?

5. What was the last illegal thing you did?

6. Do you tip in restaurants, and if so, how much?
Whatever shrapnel I've got left in my pocket.

7. Who (living or dead) would be your five ideal dinner guests and why?
John Peel, Sid Vicious, Amanda Donohoe, Dave Allen, Debbie Harry. I admire their work.

8. Who was your favourite Dr Who?
John Pertwee, Doctor Crippen was my favourite doctor.

9. What are your all time favourite TV shows and why?
Monty Python, best TV comedy of all time.

10. What's the most stupid heckle you've had and how did you respond?
Somebody who wouldn't even tell me his name when I asked him. He just sat there giving me the middle finger. I then Christened him just about the most unrepeatable thing I could think of. Called him the same name for five minutes and he just sat there and took it. I would have had more respect if he'd have threatened to kill me - at least it would have been a reaction.

11. What do you wear in bed?
A cheeky smile.

12. When you were a child what did you want to be?
Let out of school.

13. What's the biggest lie you've ever told?
I tell lies frequently on a small basis.

14. If you knew the world would end in 10 minutes what would you do?
Dial a pizza and see if they make it in time.

15. If you could travel in time for only one day, when and where would you go?
Find tommorrow's racing results.

16. What do you have for breakfast?

17. What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?
There isn't an answer unless someone asks a question.

18. What's the best sweet ever invented?
Coffee creams.

19. Who would you ban from being seen or heard by anyone else again ever?
Simon Cowell.

20. Astonish us with a fact.
George Washington, who we are frequently told single handedly invented democracy and freedom, owned slaves and a full set of wooden teeth.