The XS Malarkey Questionnaire - Getting straight to the heart of the comics in a way the Look-In Fact File only dreamed about...

Susan Vale Susan Vale

Description: Friendly Funny Female.

1. Describe yourself in five words.
Look nothing like Selina Scott.

2. What has been your proudest moment?
Giving birth.

3. What is your most annoying habit?

4. What are you like when you are drunk?

5. What was the last illegal thing you did?
Steal the Queen Motherís Birthday Decorations.

6. Do you tip in restaurants, and if so, how much?
Yes, about 5 - 6 degrees backwards, especially if I donít take my rucksack off.

7. Who (living or dead) would be your five ideal dinner guests and why?
Tom Waits. Will Self. Anthony Burgess. Barbara Cartland. Marie Lloyd - Iíd like to show them my new floor.

8. Who was your favourite Dr Who and who would you cast as the next one?
Tom Baker. Steve Buscemi.

9. What are your all time favourite TV shows and why?
Seinfeld - because it is genius.
Old Grey Whistle Test - musical reasons.
Casualty - personal reasons.

10. Whatís the most stupid heckle youíve had and how did you respond?
Heckle: I knew you were going to say that.
Answer: Oh look, plain clothes Mystic Meg.

11. What do you wear in bed?
Whatever I happen to be rubbing to excess.

12. When you were a child what did you want to be?

13. Whatís the biggest lie youíve ever told?
My boyfriendís the manager of Dixonís.

14. If you knew the world would end in 10 minutes what would you do?
Find a good place to watch.

15. If you could travel in time for only one day, when and where would you go?
Poland, some time towards the end of the 18th century. e.g. December 3rd 1798.

16. What do you have for breakfast?
A bowl of cereal, 3 cups of tea and 6 fat ones.

17. Whatís the answer to life, the universe and everything?

18. Whatís the best sweet ever invented?
Giant Kit Kat.

19. Who would you ban from being seen or heard by anyone else again ever?
The chairperson of the British Board Of Censors.

20. Astonish us with a fact.
The Roc lays an egg the size of the dome on a small mosque.