"Milky Bar Shish Kebab!"

Another rammed night at the club last night, and not just in terms of the audience. We had six acts on last night, thanks to Geoff Taylorís and Justin Moorhouseís impromptu spots. Cheers lads.

Toby kicked off the evening with a good comedy scrap with the loudmouthed Yankee heckler ['Chuck' - Spider]. There are three reasons to give the guy shit right there! Apparently this guy had met George W. Bush at a fund raising thing. "Well why didnít you fucking kill him then?", Toby enquired. I love it when someone heckles Toby. Heís brutal but fair.

Mike Marine The first act was open spot Mike Marine. Mike is half Dutch and half Japanese, which is kinda like "sushi, with peanut butter on top". Mike really hates Americans, which seemed to be the theme of the night. Mike wants to know why airlines put whistles on their life jackets. "If you didnít hear the fuckiní plane crashing, then youíre not gonna hear a little fuckiní whistle are you?" Good point.

Mike delivered some quality material smoothly. His nerves almost cost him a joke at one point but he rescued it well. He was definitely one of the better open spots weíve had at the Malarkey. And I reckon he holds the record for the most uses of the 'F' word in a five-minute slot. Thirty nine in less than five minutes by my reckoning. Fuck me!

Next up was the 'queen of audience participation', Kate Fox. Kate is still on her post-Christmas diet and has just discovered that celery burns more calories in eating than it actually contains. Her boyfriend was quick to point out that there is another substance that takes more energy to consume than it actually contains!

Kate Fox Apparently he has taken a more pro-active approach to her diet since working that one out. "And if I spit instead of swallowing, he thinks Iím bulimic!" Brilliant.

Kate rounded off her set by forming and showcasing her new boy band The Ringtones. The last time she was on at the club I ended up on stage. I kept my head down this time. (I was Mummyís Boy by the way.)

The highly animated Miss Fox had a plethora of great material and delivered a set, which had the audience in stitches. Iím not so sure about The Ringtones thing though. I think the stand-up alone work better as the audience participation fell a little flat. Maybe Iím just psychologically scarred from when she got me on stage though! Overall, a great performance.

The Ringtones
Kate Fox and The Ringtones

After the break, we were treated to an impromptu performance by lovable cheeky chipmunk Geoff Taylor.

Geoff Taylor gives it his best Eric Morecambe impression... Geoffís not a legal expert but he reckons the Amy Gehring thing was a victimless crime. Canít argue with that.

Geoffís always seems to have loads more topical comedy to delight audiences with. Some of Geoffís material wasnít quite up to scratch but the good stuff far outweighed the not so good stuff. Mr Taylor always seems to be really enjoying himself on stage, which is endearing. Together with a near flawless delivery and bags of quality material, you know youíre onto a winner.

We were treated to another impromptu short spot from the mighty Justin Moorhouse. Geoff had kind of stolen Justinís thunder because the both had material on the same two subjects. Amy Gehring and Pop Idol.

Kevin Precious Justinís got an interesting theory on G-g-g-g-garethís stammer. "Heís not got a stammer, heís from Bradford so heís thick as fuck!" Image of the set for me was the Queen Mum burying her own daughter. "Iíd like to fuckiní see that!"

Mr Moorhouse is a tiptop comic with loads of experience under his belt and it shows. The material is superb (apart from the Kabul joke) and the delivery is energetic. And what a star, just in the club for a pint and did a bit Ďcos Toby asked him. Cheers Justin.

Next on the Malarkey footstool was RE teacher Kevin Precious. Kevinís parents encouraged him to get into stand up comedy. "Talk to strangers, Kevin." Nice.

Jackie Valencio Kevin did a good solid set. The material was a little weak in places but for the most part it was bang on the money. Kevin is a confident comic with a likeable delivery.

The night was headlined by Jackie 'Mr Goodtime' Valencio. Jackie kicked off his set with James Brownís I Feel Good, but was let down by one of the students not knowing the words. "Thatís my big entrance, have you ever had your big entrance messed about with?" Jazz.

My favourite bit of Jackieís set is a bit difficult to describe so Iím hoping youíll be able to download the MP3 at some point. It was the section where he did Cliff Richards retort the slagging Jackie Valencio he got from Chris 'ginger bastard' Evans. The Cliff impression was spot on. Nice one, Jackie.

Jackie had an abundance of excellent material and impressions. Mr Goodtime has an impressive stage presence and an affable style. Iím looking forward to seeing him again.

See you next week.