Don't mess, she's premenstrual... Bit of a quiet one again on Tuesday due to the football and the Easter hols but we still managed to have a storming one.

Justin stepped in as compere until Toby finishes flouncing at the Exchange (if you haven't seen A Midsummer Night's Dream yet, do so) and kicked off the night royally with what would become the longest unsuccessful chat up in history.

Justin turns on the charm... Joanna swallows for Justin...

Malarkey regular Roland Gent was first up. Roland's set struggled a bit on Tuesday. The audience was a little quiet to start with, which didn't help, but the newer material wasn't quite up to the job. It was a good performance for an opening act SWOB but I've seen Roland storm the Malarkey in the past. Someone needs to buy Roly a watch too...

Second on the majestic Malarkey stage was Swob. Bolton lad Swob reckons "the best way to see Bolton is from the global positioning satellite, because that way it really does some justice to its insignificance." Got a point.

"I've been seeing a blind girl recently, it's not reciprocal."

Swob used his amazing memory t-shirt to great effect at the Malarkey with some great material Ian McDairmid ranging from more efficient methods of war to jizzing on old people, and the mobile phone routine went down a treat. Don't fuck with Swob when he's ordering a pizza. SWOB got off to a slightly nervy start but at soon as he got his first proper laugh his confidence shone through. Tailed off a little at the end but still a fine performance. Looking forward to more from the Swob-meister.

After the first break Ian McDairmid took to the Malarkey stage and died a hideous death. The delivery and confidence was fine but the material was unfortunately lacking.

Kerry Leigh The fourth act in the comedy cavalcade was Kerry Leigh.

Aussie lass Kerry, had a great debut at the Malarkey with some great tales, scally impressions and a good dig at the postmodern 'wanker' comics. Kerry's amiable delivery was well received in Fallowfield on Tuesday. [The last time she was on (at Scruffy Murphy's) she gave me a flapjack. True story. - Spider]

Harriet Bowden After a short break, the main support of the night, Ms Harriet Bowden took to the stage.

Upper class fruit loop, Harriet, started the set in fine style. Some good material and the upper class persona were working very well with an indecent range of incest gags.

But half way through the set she seemed to slip out of character and lose the plot a little. By the end of the performance she seemed totally lost. Shame because she got off to a great start.

After the chips and weedy sausages Steve Harris took to the straining Malarkey stage to Beck's Loser. "It's my cool comedy music that makes me look like a cunt."

Steve Harris Steve's convoy of sick jokes, well-aimed abuse at the local tossers on his estate, and musical additions were always going to be a winner with the punters of XS Malarkey. Not to mention his rapping.

Justin was on his usual fine form and was extremely aggressive on Tuesday, but as Geoff Taylor pointed out, he needed to be to get the crowd going, and that he did. Glad I wasn't sat at the front though!

Itís the Queen Maís funeral next Tuesday, so pay your last respects by coming to the Malarkey and writing a limerick.

See you next week.

Lee.