"Father! You dirty old Jedi, I'll never join you!"

First onto the Malarkey stage was a bonus, last-minute comic, Glenn Patterson.

Glenn reeled off a stream of comic poems, with a general theme of toilet humour and rudeness. Which was nice. The highlight, for me, was the poem about defacing his dad's 4x4, mainly because I have a personal hatred of them.

Glenn's set was short and sweet which made it better as I think a set consisting entirely of poetry can only last so long. The poems were cleverly written with some no-punches-pulled dirtiness which the crowd liked. Nice one, Glenn.

Next on was Michaél O'Connell, another last-minute comic.

Michaél has been doing the London circuit for a while and decided to pop into Malarkey's for an open spot. There were a couple of dodgy gags (but I think he got away with them) and a computing gag that might have gone above a few people's heads (unless you're vaguely familiar with programming). There were some fairly predictable regional stereotypes as well. Hmm.

Michaél's material wasn't the best - although there were a few bright spots - but his presentation was confident, so given a few more punchlines he could do well.

Rich Davenport ended the first part of the show.

Bolton-based Rich started off well with some excellent material and a nifty impression (the first of several) of Bruce Forsythe. Some of the best stuff was probably the easiest comedy target - What Would Happen If... - in this case, replacing Star Wars characters with other celebrities. However, it was done brilliantly, with George Formby, and The Empire Strikes Back with Steptoe and Son. It's one of those things that gets funnier the more you think about it, especially Harold's light-sabre sound: "Ffffather!"

A great set, with confident delivery. This man will go far.

German comic Gonzo took to the stage next in his own inimitable style.

Part of Gonzo's act revolves around the fact that he's a comic and German and he occasionally uses the German stereotype to fall back on when the crowd isn't responding, but he has some decent material, if delivered in a somewhat rambling Izzard-esque way.

If he polishes the delivery a little bit he could develop his act into something unique and impressive on the comedy scene.

Next on was the penultimate act of the night, pink-haired ranter-extraordinaire Will Hodgson.

Will went through his death-list again (although I think there were some new additions) but it's hilarious because it's so justified! And anyone who calls Bernard Manning a "lobster-coloured piece of shit" is okay by me. As Will went through his list the audience came to cheer each one, especially Garry Bushell being fucked up the arse by asylum seekers, before wiping it on his beard.

While much of Will's act is basically a list of things he hates, the venom with which his hatred is delivered is extremely impressive. The audience certainly enjoyed it. Nice one, Will.

Headline act of the night was the act that about 60% of the audience (who had never been to Malarkey's before) turned up for, Dave Spikey. The reason being, of course, Dave is one of the stars of Phoenix Nights.

Fame aside, Dave's set was chock full of clever gags and stories. What more can I say? Not a lot really! The audience had a great time and I'd like to think Dave enjoyed himself too. Dave will be back in 2003 but when he does it won't be announced except to the mailing list. It was just tooooo busy on Tuesday! If you wanted a piss you went in an empty pint pot.

A fantastic night at the Malarkey and hopefully some of the one-off punters will come back. See you next week.

Spider.