"Iraqi refugees have been advised to enter Jordan. Now I know she's a slapper, but..."

Back at the Malarkey for the third week running, trying out his Edinburgh car-based show, Alfie Joey's Mini Cabaret, was the aforementioned Alfie Joey.

Alfie had some new material to try out on the crowd before taking four lucky people out to his car for his Edinburgh preview. There was some new material about the war and an uncannily good impression of George W Bush. But then Alfie's a dab hand at impressions. The bit about Radio 5 Live crossing between the war and sport was superb. Such a simple idea but one with a lot of mileage. Cheers, Alfie.

Next on was someone making his return to XS Malarkey, Martin Plant.

Martin had a great gig last time and this time was no different. There was new material there and he has amazing confidence on stage - even more impressive as he's a mere whippersnapper. Amusingly sarcastic observations and some nice gags, and even an improvised bit when he 'borrowed' somebody's mobile phone when it started ringing and kindly asked the person on the other end to fuck off. Well, serves her right for being dim enough to have a conversation on a mobile RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING STAGE!

That was Martin's 7th gig - I think the previous one at XS was his 4th - gig more often, you crazy fool!!

Third onto the Malarkey stage was Brummie comic, Ian McDairmid.

Ian's set largely consisted of fairly bad puns and a few surreal observations, but seemed to die fairly spectacularly, which isn't the easiest thing to do at XS Malarkey. However, the crowd were amazingly supportive and to be fair there were a few ripples of laughter there. Not sure what the problem was, as he was fairly confident. I think the material just needs strengthening. I didn't understand the audience participation bit at the end at all.

After the break came the comic formerly known as Steven Moore - Steven Law. The reason for the name change was because the first time Toby got his name wrong so he decided to adopt it as a stage name.

Steven had quite a lot of new material since the first time which was a good thing as the set was more thought out, with observations and tall tales from various experiences. Quite filthy in places with some satisfying groans from the audience, particularly the bit about sexually transmitted diseases. Most of the set got pretty good laughs from the audience, and a healthy round of applause at the end.

Next on, main support of the night, was circuit veteran Mike Stenhouse.

Mike had some great gags, in a vaguely similar style to Mike Tombs with some good observational comedy, in an amusingly sarcastic way. The delivery was quite laid back (so much so we had to turn the mic up a bit, especially as the energetic Steven Law had just been on). There was one point in the set he forgot a punchline and seemed to struggle a bit but luckily had the experience to get out of it. A quality main support act all round I thought.

Headliner of the night was Malarkey veteran and top Manc scally Tony Burgess.

Tony delighted with audience with tales of Cheetham Hill and his subsequent move to Didsbury (slight contrast!) Anecdotes and observations with hilarity aplenty, and laughs from start to finish. Tony was on fire, despite having lost his voice. Awesome.

See you next week for the double headliner night.

Spider.