"Hey, you, get off my clown!"

Two open spots didn't turn up tonight, but that didn't matter as we had two excellent replacements - the first of which was Malarkey stalwart Jason 'Entertainment' Cooke.

Jason did a quick set, with some of his usual stuff (Rob The Builder) but also had a bit of new stuff with a spoof version of The Smiths' song Panic which was suitably filthy. Full marks to Jase for getting up and getting the crowd going as he'd only popped in for a pint. Ah, so often is the way with XS Malarkey (no bad thing, though).

Next on, making his debut at XS Malarkey, was an act all the way from London who I was particularly looking forward to seeing as I've seen him on the Chortle forums quite a lot, Anthony Miller.

Anthony had a laid-back, slightly deadpan delivery which made certain punchlines work really well. "Yes, it's going quite well now," he commented halfway through the set, which made me laugh. I think the audience may have been slightly confused in parts but generally enjoyed themselves.

Third onto the Malarkey stage was a truly unique act, Mr Pineapple, aka Geordie comic Seymour Mace, who was the second emergency replacement.

If you weren't aware who Mr Pineapple really is you could be forgiven for thinking, "What the fuck?" Seymour had actually created Mr Pineapple for a bet. The best way to describe it as a deliberately shambolic and mental version of himself. The absolute highlight of the set was where he held up alternative lyrics to Get Off My Cloud by The Rolling Stones. Utter class, I've not laughed so much for a long time. The glove puppet was fantastic as well. Good work, son.

After the break came the main support in the shape of relative whippersnapper Kevin Clark.

I have to say I was disappointed with Kevin's performance tonight. I'd last seen Kevin almost two years ago when he played at Murphy's Malarkey and didn't seem to have progressed any. He looked a bit nervous and tended to laugh at his own material (but in an unconvincing way). The material was open spot level to be honest and I have to admit I switched off after a bit.

Headliner of the night was the mighty Noel James.

Noel hit the crowd with gag after gag after gag, some raising a couple of groans, the majority getting good laughs, but even so I don't think he was on absolute tip-top Noel James form. I got the impression that someone had cancelled a gig of his and he was pissed off which affected his performance. Not too much though, it was still a great set.

See you next week.

Spider.