Review coming soon!

Dan Nightingale Christ's Trousers, what a weird gig tonight was! Mainly due to the accidental star of the night, Shabaz, a member of the audience who couldn't help shouting 'friendly' heckles at the acts and had a laugh like a seal having a wank. Stand-in compere Dan Nightingale had a bit of banter with him to start with but then it became hard work as he wouldn't shut the fuck up. It was going to be a very, very long night indeed. And so to the first comic of the night...

Neil Smith ...and the first comic of the night was me - Neil Smith.

I was a last-minute replacement for an open spot who didn't show up and fuck me, was it hard work. Partly due to the fact that the audience seemed more sensitive than usual so some of the sicker stuff was met with "Oooh!" (but a fair share of laughs as well), but the main reason was our heckling friend. On the plus side it gave me the opportunity to have a bit of audience banter, which is something I've never really done before. I'd say it worked pretty well as I got my biggest laughs from that. Hard work but good fun all the same.

Steve G Second act of the night was something of a local legend round these parts (possibly for the wrong reasons) was Steve G.

Steve took to the stage to a wave of reasonable indifference. He started off with a bizarre impression of a plane with the line, "Sorry, that probably went above most people's heads," before cracking an ancient 'Shakespeare walks into a bar' gag. The next few lines were about how odd-looking he is, interspersed with a few heckles from Shabaz which Steve didn't really deal with very well. He lost his thread halfway through after apparently leaving his notes in his bag. Steve managed to get a couple of small laughs from the audience but the rest was met with silence. At least the crowd listened.

Bill Woolland Third on in the first section of the show, a comic who normally does well at Malarkey's, Bill Woolland.

Tonight was no exception, Bill did well on stage, and desperately tried his best to ignore the noise coming from Shabaz (which wasn't easy). I think Bill was actually a bit pissed off with it, and I don't blame him, because after a while it became tiresome and just served to interrupt the show. He managed to get out some new material, some tried and tested stuff, and went down well with the crowd, under very difficult circumstances.

Jonathan Mayor Main support of the night was a comedian for whom the word flounce was invented, Jonathan Mayor.

And flounce he certainly did, all the way to the stage in a rather fetching outfit (see photo). It wasn't long before he dragged a 'volunteer' onto the stage for not joining in with the audience participation (that's him on the photo). Thankfully by this time Shabaz had quietened down a lot (beer somewhat ironically making him shut up), allowing Jonathan to motor through his material and banter relatively interruption-free. There were some excellently distateful quips here and there, particularly when his volunteer couldn't say "YES YOU ARE!" on stage ("My God, it's like giving a hand-job to a 70-year-old."). A good set from Jonathan, thoroughly enjoyed by the crowd.

Andre Vincent After the break, in which Lee attempted to flog minusoneraver CDs (availble from the Legolas lookalike at XS Malarkey for just £4), came the headline act of the night was someone who's never played Malarkey's before, the highly-recommended Andre Vincent.

Andre opened up with some risque but very funny banter with Shabaz (including referring to Jonathan Mayor as a 'Gaysian') then followed up with some excellent material. There was a bit which was very similar to Alistair Barrie's (72 virgins in Paradise) and I wonder who came up with it first. Perhaps it was coincidence. After hearing so many good things about Andre I couldn't help feeling a little bit disappointed. He was a great act but not the best I've ever seen at XS. But full marks for some potentially offensive material.

Spider.